


Isn't Love Unbelievable

by solar317



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 00:46:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7486779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solar317/pseuds/solar317
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Random one-shot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Isn't Love Unbelievable

**Author's Note:**

> From Abby's POV

_And you were strong and I was not_  
_My illusion, my mistake_  
_I was careless, I forgot  
I did_

 _And now when all is done_  
_There is nothing to say_  
_You have gone and so effortlessly_  
_You have won  
You can go ahead tell them_

 _Tell them all I know now_  
_Shout it from the rooftops_  
_Write it on the sky line_  
_All we had is gone now_  
_Tell them I was happy_  
_And my heart is broken  
All my scars are open_

  
  
I thought of you and me, when I came across this song.  
Someone recommended it online.  
I could only let out a small sigh after listening to it, for three times.  
It still hurts a little bit, but it has been much better than almost a year ago.

  
I didn’t need to shout it from the rooftops, but I was heartbreaking.  
I don’t mind to admit that.  
I was not as strong as I thought.  
  
I was frustrated.  
Like what I used to believe was not true.  
Like what I saw with my own eyes was not as clear as it written on the skyline.  
  
I read a lot of books about relationship, about love.  
I watched a lot of comedy shows, trying to laugh.  
I learned something new to make me feel like there were still accomplishments I could make.  
I visited my family and friends.  
I had public appearance all over the world.  
I tried all the things that could take the sadness out of my mind.  
But were those the best ways?  
To heal? Or to drawn myself deeper?  
  
All the illusions that I had.  
All the mistakes that I made.  
I thought I had taken enough caution.  
When it comes to love.  
I thought.

  
I moved out.  
A new apartment.  
A new bed.  
New furniture.  
New decoration.  
  
I left most of our memories to you, as you requested.  
As the little thing I could do for you.

  
They said, for pro athletes, the sacrifice is to be away from the people you love most.  
I’ve known that, since the first national camp after I dated you.  
I thought we’d be alright.  
We got faith, we got love, we got promises.  
I thought that's all we needed.  
  
However, before I even knew it, we fell out of love.  
The love once called ours.  
We fell out of trust.  
The trust I used to think it would never be broken.

I hadn't thought you would ever leave me.  
But you did.  
I hadn't thought I would ever walk away from what we had.  
But I did.

  
  
From one day on, we don’t talk anymore, like we used to do.  
From one night on, we don’t laugh together anymore, like we used to do.  
Do you remember since when?  
I did.

It came to a day, that you didn’t want to know my daily schedule.  
It came to a night, that I didn’t want to ask what dress would you wear for the dinner.  
Do you know since when?  
I do.

 

I was embarrassed.  
When I failed to make you laugh.  
When I failed to hold you tight.  
When I failed to make you stay.  
When you posted a new photo with Kingston, but I was not in the picture.  
I should have accepted it earlier, that I won’t be in your picture, anymore.  
I should have known that the one you really looked for, isn’t me.  
  
  
  
We had tried.  
Tried to fix something, forgetting that love could not be fixed.  
I thought I could fix the problems.  
But you don't need me to.  
I tried to pull you back.  
For multiple times.  
I thought you might want me to pick you up after work, and drive you home.  
But I was wrong.  
You tried to stay.  
But we didn’t meet halfway, we couldn’t step closer.

I was just the one you thought you could live with, but not the one you couldn't live without.  
I should have moved on, just the way you did, gradually, eventually.

I have no doubt that you will have someone that holds onto you so tight, that loves you in the way you like.  
Will I find someone that sees my vulnerability and chases away all my nightmares?  
I think I will.

I'm sorry that I might have let you down, I might have hurt you.

I cried in the dark too.  
In the big house, all by myself.  
I stayed up late, till I was tired enough to sleep.  
I told my friends that I was not sad, but they caught me faking a smile.  
I told my family that I was okay, but they caught me lying.

All my scars were open.

I didn’t know all the reasons that made you leave.  
I didn’t ask.  
I didn't need to guess what’s worse than a broken heart.  
I didn’t need to wait till I see you with someone else, to know I had screwed up.  
There was nothing much to say, with all the evidences you showed me.

I’d always let you win, like the way you won my heart.  
Before.

 _I remember years ago,_  
_someone told me I should take caution,  
when it comes to love._

I did.

  
  
I still want to thank you, Sarah, sincerely and genuinely, for all the love you gave me throughout the past a few years.

Our first met.  
Our first date.  
Our first dance.

You wiped away my sweat, blood, and tears.  
You doubled my joy and laughed at my stupid jokes.

I proposed.  
You said yes.

We exchanged vows and rings.  
We shared life.

All these years we spent together, I won't forget.

Little did I know that we would be apart.  
Little did I know that we wouldn't share the title of mother.  
I dreamed of having kids with you, and I couldn't wait to start a family with you after I retired; but it didn't work out as planned.  
Little did I know that our marriage would end up like this.

But you have to move on.  
So do I.  
You deserve someone to make you happy, someone that fits you better.  
So do I.

  
  
After all, I've known myself better.  
I'm ready to move on, and I'm doing so.

Love is a heavy word.  
Love is not easy.

Thank you, for letting it go.  
For making me believe that I could be happy again, as you’re happy now.

So that I get to find someone.  
Someone new yet familiar.  
Someone has seen who I am, and who I was underneath my jersey.  
Someone knows me more than I could imagine.  
Someone I can look square in the eyes and say the love.  
  
So that I get to experience the feeling that sometimes in life, sometimes I have been like I'm so happy I think I might explode.  
So that I can be wanting to make someone laugh and feel loved.

Again.

  
  
  
It still hurts a little bit.  
Because when I think of love now, somehow I do think of pain.  
  
I might still need to fight for the person, for the love.  
Sometimes the person might need to fight for me, too.

But it’s okay.  
Love is bold.  
It’s supposed to fight for the world, or even fight the world.  
To protect what belong to us.  
“Us”.  
“You+Me”.  
Sometimes it equals family.  
Sometimes it feels like home.

It’s safe to fall in love.  
All the way.  
When the one is there.  
There’s nothing to lose, right?  
Even if there’s, it’s not ashamed to lose to love.  
Those battles, I don’t have to win all the time.  
  
  
Be true to oneself.  
Even if the scars are exposed.  
Even if the layers are peeled off.  
Even if the dark corners are seen.  
We all have a few of our own.

I’m learning, learning how to love, how to be loved.  
Better and better.

Although most people don’t believe in anymore.  
I believe in love.  
Forever.  
Always.

I will never quit.

**Author's Note:**

> Wish Abby all the best with “the someone new”.  
> Hope “the someone new” is the one I suspect. :)


End file.
